This morning, I was Kassie. This afternoon, I am Runner 5...

I did my first training session for the The Color Vibe 5k. I actually the downloaded an app called Zombies, Run! I love it. Dear God do I love it. You listen to it in your headphones as you complete the mission you are assigned. The story line is really innovative and I feel like I'm a part of the story. I ( as well as every other participant in this story line) am Runner 5. I am instructed by 2 voice actors and the story line is pretty humorous, as well. It really pushed me. In PE class, it took me 14 minutes to complete one mile on the track. I did my trial 5K in under an hour. I view this as an accomplishment because I've never done one. I walked some, but I ran 5.5 mph, even if it was for a little while. I WILL do this. <3 And I got my mom to join! This is great.

WELL. I've decided to do something outrageous...

My weight is kinda of stuck in the 190s at the moment. Not that bothered by it (yet) seeing as I'm focused on other things. I've got 2 guitar playing parts in 2 of my best's friends performances and I'm thinking of joining a 5K! Me, a 5K? Yeah, I'm crazy.

Honestly, I've been wanting to do this for ages. I want to participate in The Color Vibe 5K in June. Basically, you register and when the day comes, you do your 5k. The fun part is while you run (or walk/jog/roll, whatever), you are blasted with paint powder by the volunteers and bystanders at the end of the race, you have a color explosion.

The thing is, I've never trained for one. SO. I am going to start. I have no idea how, but I'm going to. I think I'm going to download an app for it. Zombies, Run! 5K seems to be intriguing. It isn't free, but it's only like, 2 bucks on the Android Market thingy. Either way, I'm excited to do it.

What do I want?

So, Dale and I are done. Kaput. Finito. Never to come in contact on purpose again type of done. And you know what? As hard as this is, I'm going to be okay with that. He had a lot of qualities I could do without. I admit, I was out of line sometimes. I said some things I never should have said about someone I've never even met. But he was also in the wrong for provoking them after I expressed we'd rather not bring this person into the conversation. Ever. Or at least until I was fully over him. I feel like I enveloped myself into the relationship we had so much that I lost sight of what I wanted (outside of weight loss). SO I've decided to make a list of what I want in someone, be it a friend or something more serious. I think it's good to be firm in my standards.

What do I want in someone:
Educated (consistently): We're talking like, aspiring to go to higher levels of education
Ambitious: Have a plan with what you want to do. Please.
Kind: Be nice overall
Respectful: Respect me, my friends, and my family. Don't talk about hooking up with other people while you're in a relationship with me. I will not react well.
Insightful and interactive: I like to talk. A lot. I don't want to have a conversation with someone who won't talk or does not have anything to talk about.
Initiator: Text or call me sometimes. Plan dates. I won't do all the work.
Makes time for me (and enjoys my company): I know everyone is busy, but it isn't that hard to make time for your girlfriend sometimes and ENJOY when she is around instead of saying they come over too much (2 or 3 days out of the week.
Preferably active: I like to be active so if you sit on your ass, I will run right past you.
Communicative: If there are problems, we talk about it.Point blank.
Affectionate: If we are serious, a little PDA doesn't hurt. Holding hands can be fun if you make it.
Dedicated: Don't. Cheat. On. Me.
Preferably employed: I don't mind spending on my significant other, but it's good to have cash in your own pocket
Spontaneous: I love spontaneity. No, I don't expect flowers or concert tickets (though, those are nice), but a nice hug from behind is always appreciated.
Loves me FOR me: If you can handle my emotions, randomness, outgoing and vibrant attitude and affection, you're golden.

Now, don't get me wrong, Dale did many of these things. But he didn't do them to a standard to which I find appropriate. I deserve 100% if that's what I'm putting out. Kay? Kay. I will no longer settle.

Time to change

I don't think I ever shared that I cut my hair. Yup. Shaved all that shit off. Well, I still have some. I got a pixie cut. Today was the first day back since break and no one recognized me. I guess it's good to have a change. I gained 3 pounds, but I don't think that is from bad eating. I'm pretty sure it's from water retention and...that time.

Well regardless, weight loss is hard. And slow. And potentially frustrating. In fact, something in me just did NOT want to work out at all. No idea what it was. Probably my allergies. They tend to drain the life out of me. I did go, though. I made a commitment that since Dale and I broke up that I'd do what makes me happy. Working out makes me happy, even if I don't want to do it at the time. Afterwards, I felt pretty damn good. I think this hair cut is something I needed. I can't "hide" anymore, not like my hair before made me able to do so. But I think my haircut has empowered me to put a bit more effort into my looks (at least for a little while). I've lost nearly 60 pounds and that deserves to be seen, you know? I think so, anyway. I have a little figure showing, but it's not where I want to be yet. Unfortunately, it's getting hot and my shorts no longer fit. I'm proud of my progress though.

Starting over? Not so easy.

Again, it's been a long time since I blogged. A lot has happened. With Dale and I's break up, I guess I've been wallowing in self pity? It's been like, 3 weeks, but I'm still upset. I'm doing my best to be happy, though. Hell, I'm in a consistent size 12 now, but I feel like a piece of me is missing now. I want to be his friend; I want to start over, but it isn't easy. He wanted to be my friend first but now he is so stand offish. I feel like I've lost my will power to do well, ANYTHING. He was my number one supporter and now he is the reason I don't want to do this anymore. I know, I know. You should never let someone dictate your actions. But it isn't that simple sometimes. When that person was with you at your lowest, lifted you up, and pushed your ass to move it, it's kind of hard to drop that. Oh, did I mention he bought my groceries? Yeah.

So I'm now single and in debt. Marvelous. I shouldn't use my weight loss as a weapon. I shouldn't lose weight to spite him or make him "want me," but that is the one thing that IS keeping me going. Someone told me that I need to do some self searching to see why I want to lose weight. They said when I figure that out, regardless of my life situations, I'd constantly stay motivated and when I'm happy with myself, people around me would gravitate toward me and feed off of my personal happiness. Thing is, I've not yet discovered what that internal motivation is. Perhaps on the next blog (god forbid not in the next 3 weeks), I would have discovered it. But for now, it's time for bed. It's the final quarter of my senior year and I'm determined to end it right.