Finished my first semester of college

Damn I haven't blogged in a longgggg time. What's new? Well. I finally hit 190. I briefly broke past my 191 barrier. I'm also 36.2% body fat. In January I was pretty close to 50%. I'm gonna shoot to lose another 10 by February to put me in the 20s.

I started my first year at ECU back in August and I can't believe that I'm done with one semester. AND I'm not failing anything! Crazy right?

I initially lost 10 lbs when I first got to school but I gained it back. I'm slowly taking it off the right way (I followed the "Paleo" diet the first time). I'm also learning to love myself and to realize my own self worth. I'm a prize and people need to see that. If they don't, then they aren't worth MY time.

And so it begins...

I've started the construction of my book. I'm genuinely excited about this process. I was just going to publish my weight journal, but I think I need to be a bit more in depth with that I do before I can do that, you know? Either way, I'm excited. I want to thank my wonderful mother for offering to help me in the process. Thanks, mom.

Side note: My ankle is getting better, I believe. I can bear more weight on it. I've also been lifting more, which is exciting. I'm not sure when the results will start to show, but it can't be too long. Or maybe it can. I don't know. Either way, I won't give up on it.

My memoir

After long contemplation, I've come to the conclusion of something. While I have a blog, I think I want to document my progress in a larger, more accessible form. I want to write a book. Well, an extensive memoir, I suppose. I know I need to start now, which I will. I will write until I hit my goal size/weight. I feel that doing this will not only help me close a very large (haha, "large." I'm punny) chapter of my life. I'm not sure where to start but I definitely know where I want to go with it. All I have to do is start.

The fear of raising calories...

So. I've been stalled fluctuating in the 190s as you all may know. After consulting with my MFP counterparts (the website I use to track my calories), they've convinced me to bump up my calorie intake. Awesome, right? I should totally be excited. Except...I'm not. It sounds silly, but I'm genuinely hesitant to raise my calories. It's as if mentally, I believe that this will only set me back, you know? But with everything in life, you have to take things as they come and deal with them accordingly. Hopefully this will boost results. <3 I can't give up.

Lazy, lazy, lazy

Well, I DID work out yesterday and I lost .2 pounds so I'm a bit happy about that. I did some light cardio on a bike (I love the bike, but it makes me booty numb) which was enjoyable. PT is becoming progressively better, even if it does hurt a little. I keep intending to go back to strength training, honestly. Though, the fact that I'm confined to one particular style (upper body) bothers me. However, I will do what needs to be done. In fact, I took someone's idea and I plan to incorporate it into my work out plan.

Voila:

• 2x upper body pulling per week (rows, pull-ups, that sort of thing)
• 2x upper body pressing per week (bench press, pushups, dips)
• A nice excuse to hammer the upper body for a bit

And

1) 1 leg balance drill – 10×2 (as long as I can hold, not very long right now)

2) Wall ankle mobilizations – 10×2 per side (these are great, even if you are fully healthy)

**This is for ankle strengthening**

Closure..

Yesterday afternoon, I delivered 2 items to Dale which I think officially closes that chapter in my life. I gave him back a ring he gave me and a GPS. I sincerely apologized for the awful things I said and hopefully from here I can move forward.

Also: I have decided, after long deliberation, I would like to become a pescetarian or vegetarian (but the healthy kind, not the "I'm-Gonna-Eat-Everything-I-See-That-Doesn't-Contain-Meat" kind). I've been wanting to do this for a while and I've have a few feeble attempts. But they were just, well, attempts. I actually want to commit to this. (:

I also took the time to figure out why I want to lose weight. Since I've had limited mobility due to my ankle, it has given me a chance to think. Some of my reasons may be superficial, but hey, they're mine. The reasons go as follows:
1) Health: My family has a history of health problems related to poor diet and I don't want to follow the same path.
2) College major: I (currently) aspire to be a nutritionist and athletic trainer. I should be an example.
3) Acceptance: Now, I know what you're thinking, but it isn't to be accepted by others. I've NEVER been comfortable in my own skin and while confidence comes from within, I feel that learning to love myself, both physically and emotionally, would be a life changing experience.
4) Clothes and money: Okay, lemme break it down: The larger the clothes are, the more a person pays because of added fabric. Losing weight will save me money, as well as finding me some new clothes.

Someone told me that my blog isn't hitting the "goal" of it. By that I mean, they don't believe it focuses on weight loss, but other factors. This post is an effort to change that. (:

This morning, I was Kassie. This afternoon, I am Runner 5...

I did my first training session for the The Color Vibe 5k. I actually the downloaded an app called Zombies, Run! I love it. Dear God do I love it. You listen to it in your headphones as you complete the mission you are assigned. The story line is really innovative and I feel like I'm a part of the story. I ( as well as every other participant in this story line) am Runner 5. I am instructed by 2 voice actors and the story line is pretty humorous, as well. It really pushed me. In PE class, it took me 14 minutes to complete one mile on the track. I did my trial 5K in under an hour. I view this as an accomplishment because I've never done one. I walked some, but I ran 5.5 mph, even if it was for a little while. I WILL do this. <3 And I got my mom to join! This is great.

WELL. I've decided to do something outrageous...

My weight is kinda of stuck in the 190s at the moment. Not that bothered by it (yet) seeing as I'm focused on other things. I've got 2 guitar playing parts in 2 of my best's friends performances and I'm thinking of joining a 5K! Me, a 5K? Yeah, I'm crazy.

Honestly, I've been wanting to do this for ages. I want to participate in The Color Vibe 5K in June. Basically, you register and when the day comes, you do your 5k. The fun part is while you run (or walk/jog/roll, whatever), you are blasted with paint powder by the volunteers and bystanders at the end of the race, you have a color explosion.

The thing is, I've never trained for one. SO. I am going to start. I have no idea how, but I'm going to. I think I'm going to download an app for it. Zombies, Run! 5K seems to be intriguing. It isn't free, but it's only like, 2 bucks on the Android Market thingy. Either way, I'm excited to do it.

What do I want?

So, Dale and I are done. Kaput. Finito. Never to come in contact on purpose again type of done. And you know what? As hard as this is, I'm going to be okay with that. He had a lot of qualities I could do without. I admit, I was out of line sometimes. I said some things I never should have said about someone I've never even met. But he was also in the wrong for provoking them after I expressed we'd rather not bring this person into the conversation. Ever. Or at least until I was fully over him. I feel like I enveloped myself into the relationship we had so much that I lost sight of what I wanted (outside of weight loss). SO I've decided to make a list of what I want in someone, be it a friend or something more serious. I think it's good to be firm in my standards.

What do I want in someone:
Educated (consistently): We're talking like, aspiring to go to higher levels of education
Ambitious: Have a plan with what you want to do. Please.
Kind: Be nice overall
Respectful: Respect me, my friends, and my family. Don't talk about hooking up with other people while you're in a relationship with me. I will not react well.
Insightful and interactive: I like to talk. A lot. I don't want to have a conversation with someone who won't talk or does not have anything to talk about.
Initiator: Text or call me sometimes. Plan dates. I won't do all the work.
Makes time for me (and enjoys my company): I know everyone is busy, but it isn't that hard to make time for your girlfriend sometimes and ENJOY when she is around instead of saying they come over too much (2 or 3 days out of the week.
Preferably active: I like to be active so if you sit on your ass, I will run right past you.
Communicative: If there are problems, we talk about it.Point blank.
Affectionate: If we are serious, a little PDA doesn't hurt. Holding hands can be fun if you make it.
Dedicated: Don't. Cheat. On. Me.
Preferably employed: I don't mind spending on my significant other, but it's good to have cash in your own pocket
Spontaneous: I love spontaneity. No, I don't expect flowers or concert tickets (though, those are nice), but a nice hug from behind is always appreciated.
Loves me FOR me: If you can handle my emotions, randomness, outgoing and vibrant attitude and affection, you're golden.

Now, don't get me wrong, Dale did many of these things. But he didn't do them to a standard to which I find appropriate. I deserve 100% if that's what I'm putting out. Kay? Kay. I will no longer settle.

Time to change

I don't think I ever shared that I cut my hair. Yup. Shaved all that shit off. Well, I still have some. I got a pixie cut. Today was the first day back since break and no one recognized me. I guess it's good to have a change. I gained 3 pounds, but I don't think that is from bad eating. I'm pretty sure it's from water retention and...that time.

Well regardless, weight loss is hard. And slow. And potentially frustrating. In fact, something in me just did NOT want to work out at all. No idea what it was. Probably my allergies. They tend to drain the life out of me. I did go, though. I made a commitment that since Dale and I broke up that I'd do what makes me happy. Working out makes me happy, even if I don't want to do it at the time. Afterwards, I felt pretty damn good. I think this hair cut is something I needed. I can't "hide" anymore, not like my hair before made me able to do so. But I think my haircut has empowered me to put a bit more effort into my looks (at least for a little while). I've lost nearly 60 pounds and that deserves to be seen, you know? I think so, anyway. I have a little figure showing, but it's not where I want to be yet. Unfortunately, it's getting hot and my shorts no longer fit. I'm proud of my progress though.

Starting over? Not so easy.

Again, it's been a long time since I blogged. A lot has happened. With Dale and I's break up, I guess I've been wallowing in self pity? It's been like, 3 weeks, but I'm still upset. I'm doing my best to be happy, though. Hell, I'm in a consistent size 12 now, but I feel like a piece of me is missing now. I want to be his friend; I want to start over, but it isn't easy. He wanted to be my friend first but now he is so stand offish. I feel like I've lost my will power to do well, ANYTHING. He was my number one supporter and now he is the reason I don't want to do this anymore. I know, I know. You should never let someone dictate your actions. But it isn't that simple sometimes. When that person was with you at your lowest, lifted you up, and pushed your ass to move it, it's kind of hard to drop that. Oh, did I mention he bought my groceries? Yeah.

So I'm now single and in debt. Marvelous. I shouldn't use my weight loss as a weapon. I shouldn't lose weight to spite him or make him "want me," but that is the one thing that IS keeping me going. Someone told me that I need to do some self searching to see why I want to lose weight. They said when I figure that out, regardless of my life situations, I'd constantly stay motivated and when I'm happy with myself, people around me would gravitate toward me and feed off of my personal happiness. Thing is, I've not yet discovered what that internal motivation is. Perhaps on the next blog (god forbid not in the next 3 weeks), I would have discovered it. But for now, it's time for bed. It's the final quarter of my senior year and I'm determined to end it right.

Re-birth

I haven't blogged in a while. For those who do read it, I apologize. Today marks a day of re-birth. Dale and I unfortunately broke up. He needs to focus on his studies and his life and frankly, I do as well. It's hard to adapt to when someone your life was so enveloped in is gone, but it's not impossible.

On a happy note, I've lost even more weight lately. I'm not entirely sure how much, but I know I have because my clothes fit differently now. I broke my iPod so I've been lazy on the working out aspect, but I'm back on the horse. I tend to fall off the work out wagon a lot, but I never turn my back up to it. I always chase it again.

One last happy thing, I got another job. I'm now a calligraphy tutor at a local tattoo parlor. I'm so excited!

The Wagon

The journey in which one goes on in pursuit of losing weight, or "The Wagon," as I like to call it, is one that I battle staying on. I wobble and fall off sometimes, but I ALWAYS get back on. For the past 2 weeks, the wagon has been pretty steady. With the help of my AMAZING boyfriend, I've lost 9lbs, leading to a collective 57 lost in a year. I've been eating well and I'm so proud of myself. He's also wicked supportive, as are my friends. And Will O'Brien. This kid. He goes to my school and is so helpful. He gives me a surplus of tips when I ask him and I appreciate all he does for me when it comes to working out. Boyfriend, however, is my backbone. He helps me pick out what to eat, BUYS MY GROCERIES (sweetest kid ever, right?), keeps me on track when I want to ingest the Doritos he's consuming, and despite of all that, he still doesn't want me to change. I've always been pretty good at self motivating, but having people there for me is pretty awesome, I must say. Especially my parents, for taking the time to get me a gym membership, cook me healthy food, and buy me food when Dale can't. Oh oh! Dale asked me to prom. He has had his mind set that he was done with high school and would not go to a high school function, but he asked me. He actually wrote me a "parking ticket" and inscribed on it was "Prom?" Of course, I said yes. Now I have to work harder than ever to find the cutest dress possible. My first prom AND I'm a senior? Oh yes. It's gonna be real.

Life is a lot like weight loss

This weekend has been a wild one, to say the least. Got into some disputes with my parents, my beau says I'm clingy and come over too much, a few mental battles and internal conflict. My post about my bulimia raised some eyebrows in the household, which as been settled. I think life is a lot like weight loss. It requires a lot of dedication to finesse and tone. Balance is key. Just as you have to balance what you take it, paired with exercise to get a weight loss result, life requires balance. I need to balance boyfriend, parents, school, and myself. In fact, I need to love myself. Balance is so important and I need it in my life.

2.0...FML

Well. I have to work at Michaels today. Not so bad. Saw my boo yesterday and we had classic Friday "date night." Always fun. There is a problem though. When I finally start feeling well, BAM: Bronchitis 2.0 hits me like a truck. I woke up full of mucus and a scratchy throat. It SUCKS. I need to live in a bubble. But whatever. I'm going to the gym this morning before work.

Mornin'!

It's Friday, Friday! This week was long. Very long. But it's over AND I'm back down to 194. Hopefully I'll never see those other numbers again. It's inspiring and gives me hope when I see subtle differences in my life. Whether it's turning down Doritos that my boyfriend taunts me with or seeing the pounds on the scale slowly go down. I know eventually it will stop, and I will gain, but only because I'll be building muscle. But if there is one thing I need, just as so many other people, it's commitment. I need to commit to a lot of things, specifically loving myself. I need to commit to waking up in the morning, lacing up my sneakers, and heading out the door, especially when I wake up on my own accord. This is something that holds me back. Maybe it's the thought of success. The thought of actually getting what I want internally terrifies me. I don't know. But regardless, I need to overcome this. I've not assessed how to do so, but it needs to be done if I plan on doing ANYTHING with my life. 

On a Wednesday night

WELL. Wednesday's are usually date night with my boyfrann, but not tonight. I contemplated eating myself into a stupor, and I'll admit I DID down a fair amount of pasta with few calories to spare left in my daily intake. As I shoveled pasta down my esophagus, I realized "I'm better than this. I can't keep turning to food when I'm upset." Though, when I genuinely am upset or stressed, I don't eat, but I decided to put the fork down, flip on the TV and DIGEST what I consumed.

There is something many people don't know about me. In fact, my parents don't even know..until now. I've battled bulimia since September, 2012. I've kept it under wraps other than a small circle of friends, but if I'm going to open up about my weight loss journey, this needs to be known. I don't want "pity," nor do I want to be looked at differently, although I might be. This is not something to easily open up about and it isn't easy to overcome. There comes a time when you do  something enough, you become accustomed to it. That's how my body reacts when I eat. My brain will say "purging is a stupid idea, what is wrong with you," but my body reads it as "I need to be thin in order to be happy, therefore I must puke this up." Now, I KNOW being thin will not make me happy. Loving myself will make me happy. Loving others and letting them love ME will make me happy. It took me a while to acknowledge that and I'm working to fix it everyday. This is an uphill battle every time I'm faced with a meal option, but I know I'm strong. If I can let go of 50+ pounds, I can kick this terrible, terrible habit. People need to come to terms with we are all faced with something we dislike about ourselves; something we want to improve upon. I say go for it. Fix what you need to fix in order to be pleased and fulfilled not only with your current decision, but your life as well. However, one must do it wisely and in a healthy way. It has took me a little over half a year to see that and I work through it every day. I just want to be the best Kassie I can.

Weekly Weigh In #1

Well, I weighed myself yesterday (Monday, March 4th) and weighed in at 197 with a 2-8 pound variability. I say this because I weighed myself in the afternoon and you weigh more in the evening than in the morning and I tend to eat and chug water, you know? Well whatever. Either way, I'm 2 pounds down from last week which is awesome! I was able to get down to 194 a couple weeks ago, shot back up to 200 in less than a week, and now I'm back at steady weight loss of about 2 pounds. I have not gone to the gym in the AM yet due to me fighting off a nasty chest cold, but I feel well enough to attempt it now. (: Tomorrow is a new day, so hopefully I'll be doing the lower body routine I have laid out for myself. I'm excited. Only difference is, once I start lifting, I have to start avoiding the scale completely due to water retention and muscle mass. This isn't bad, seeing that I have a goal size I want to reach, but it is a bit unnerving. Oh well! Have a happy Tuesday, e'ry body <3

Back on the horse!

Oh heck yeah. I'm so happy about this. Tomorrow, Monday March 4th, 2013, I will officially be able to start exercising again. I am SO excited. I've been on like a week's break due to a chest cold issue. My awesome boyfriend purchased me groceries. Damn he is supportive and I love the heck out of him. These last 40 (or however many pounds I have to lose) are not easy, but it will be done. (: This will take A LOT of dedication, especially regarding the time I do it. I will be going to YMCA at 5:30 every morning to do something that is active.
This is my work out routine. On the days I don't work out, I will be swimming:
Upper: 
Bench press- 3x10 
Rows (which is better: barbell or dumbbell)- 3x10 
Lat Pull down- 3x10 
Shoulder press- 3x10 
Lat raises- 3x10 
Dips- 3x10 

Lower: 
Squats- 3x10 
Leg press- 3x10 
Deadlift- 3x10 
Back extension- 3x10 
Ab exercises- Varies 

Upper: 
Negative Pulls Ups (I've yet to master Pull Up)- 3x10 
Push ups- Varies 
Cable Row- 3x10 
Dumbbell flyes- 3x10 

Work, burritos, cupcakes, and Reubens

I started my "new" old job today. I work two jobs: One at the YMCA as an after school counselor and the other at Michaels Arts and Crafts. I've been on about a month's sabbatical from working at Michaels and now I'm a permanent member.

So I came back and what did I find? My best friend, offering me half a burrito (which I DID eat), and St. Patty's day themed cuppycakes. Now, I haven't had a cupcake in months so heck yeah I ate it. And it was delicious. Work was pretty standard and went by rather quickly. My beau is in Sanford so I didn't get to hang out with him after work ):< But it's all good.

Dinner consisted of Reuben sandwiches. I did not log everything I at today, but meh. Someone DID comment on my weight loss and told me I was "lookin' good." That made me happy. It's comments like that, that encourage me to continue doing what I'm doing. I also gave weight loss advice to someone (:

Burrito Friday

Date Night Friday. One of the highlights of my week. My boyfriend Dale and I always spend this evening together, whether we are out on the town of playing Call of Duty on his couch. I've been battling a nasty chest..something for the past few days. I think it's bronchitis. I get it every year, but sick or not, I did my best to plow through! Fast forward to 6 o'clock. Time for the date. I get there and come to find out, Friday Date Night is canceled. He doesn't feel well, but I don't think I was the one who made him sick. Either way, it's off. So I conclude my evening with a burrito from Chubby Taco. This does not comply with my weight loss efforts, I know, but everyone needs a "cheat day." And that burrito was the bomb dizzle.

On a more sour note: I EFFIN' HATE SHELL GAS. I only have like, 8 dollars in my account. I spent 6 on gas, but I think it withdrew more than that. I am furious. I don't get paid until this Friday, I have no money, little gas, and a very pissy mood.

The Dawn of a New Era

I guess I should run through the formalities. I am Kassie Nichols. I'm 18 and in high school. On January 27th, 2012, I vowed to change my life.

I've battled with my weight ever since I was a child. Well, that isn't exactly true. Up until like, age 6, I was pretty active. I loved soccer. But 14 years later, my love for soccer decreased as my weight did the opposite. Tipping scales at an astounding 250 pounds, medium frame, and a height of 5'4, I decided it was time for a change. So I slowly built up my endurance and stamina. The weight began to quickly fall off. I lost about 30 pounds in the first 3 months and then it began to slow. I ended 2012 with a loss of 51 pounds. I hit 199 on January 1, 2012. 

This road has not been an easy one. I do eat fast food. I do eat cake. But I also work out and eat less than I have before. I'm currently at 194. This is a loss of 56 pounds. Now, you may be thinking I'm crazy for sharing my weight with both friends and strangers, but I don't care. If people have seen me before, they deserve to know where I've come from, where I am, and where I'm going. My goal weight is 150, but I'm more focused on a goal size of a size 8. I've come from a size 22 to a size 12/14. That is about 10 sizes. I've also come from a size 2X to a L in most shirts and dresses. I'm writing this blog to inspire others and to motivate myself. I want to show people that if I can do this, YOU can do this. Not just with weight loss, but with any and everything. Goals can be achieved with determination. This is the written description of my life, my journey, my past, present, and future. 

This blog will also include work out routines, recipes, my logged weight loss/gain/progress, pictures, and other various things in my life like AP tests, my love life, etc. It's time to go from Husky to HOTTIE!